Double Feature

i'm back! i apologize for the unexcused absence... i got sidetracked with different things: projects, school, text messages, christmas, etc... but don't think that i have forgotten about you. how have you been? i'm fine, thanks for asking. actually, i'm better than fine. i feel like a million bucks. i don't even know what that could mean, but it's a saying.

speaking of bucks, i got some pocket change for christmas, along with a blazer (it's off the hook! well, not literally off a hook per se... more like off the rack, but i digress), some loafers (i know, what am i? a 50 year old man?), my first digital camera (perhaps expect some photos in the future that attempt to show my sensitive/artsy side... yeah right), boxers, boxers, and even more boxers (how does that spice girls song go? too much of something is bad enough... and too much of nothing is just as tough. i think that about sums it up. although, they are the most practical gift.. along with socks and undershirts), the dark knight (no comment. movie speaks for itself), the first season of arrested development (underrated, hilarious show that i find incredibly funny. catch an episode, they're all good), and the coup de grace, killers tickets! (i keep looking at them the way tom hanks looked at the picture of helen hunt in the locket while he was on the island in castaway. i still can't believe it.)

anyways, onto my actual post. the title as you see is "double feature" and this, of course, refers to a movie double feature. recently, i just experienced my first double feature at the theater. for those of you who do not know what context clues are, a double feature is when you go to the movie theater and watch two movies. i must say, i loved it. first off, i'm a huge fan of the silver screen and plus, a gajillion movies are out! the movies were yes man, with jim carrey, and valkyrie, with tom cruise.

yes man is a romcom (romantic comedy) about a guy very much like that david spade character in those capital one commercials where he says no to everything. given it's a romantic comedy, he has to meet a girl and fall head over heels for her. spoiler alert: he gets the girl in the end.. i know, i know, big surprise. boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back.... that general plot has never been done before. his love interest, this spunky Bjork-like girl played by zooey deschanel. quick side note: was zooey deschanel the girl that sang that song about kissing a girl? oh wait, that was her identical twin, katy perry.

anyways, i liked it. jim carrey hasn't had a movie out in a while and it was classic jim carrey... the downright bizarre nature of his comedy, the facial expressions, everything. my hat's off to him on a job well done. to yes man, i say yes!

another actor without a movie in a while is tom cruise and his holiday movie is valkyrie. this was a lot more dramatic than the first flick and i enjoyed it greatly. i mean, this is the last samurai we're talking about... agent ethan hunt, lestat, jerry maguire.. i could go on. in this movie, his role is claus von stauffenberg, a german, one-eyed insurgent against the one and only adolf hitler. while watching the movie, i was intrigued by the eyepatch. is it me, or are eyepatches badass? don't worry about hiding your loot or booty, the inner pirate in me won't plunder it. i'm just saying, tom cruise with no eyepatch... regular guy. tom cruise with an eyepatch... one badass mother f'er. i believe the reason is, you always have to wonder how the person got the eyepatch. more likely than not, it was due to a war and soldiers losing any body parts in war are beasts. prime example: lieutenant dan from forrest gump. he lost his legs and surprise surprise, bags an asian chick in the end. anyways, yes, the one-eyed tom cruise delivers in this movie. action, suspense, drama, it's all there. you just have to be on the lookout for it. keep one eye on the screen and the other... well, if you have a spare eye, keep it on the screen as well.

thanks for reading and merry belated christmas. the new year is almost here so goodbye 2008! take care.

-jdv

Will the real slim shady please stand Up?

so yesterday, i went to the bookstore (borders), and gave myself an early christmas present. i figured i'd been good, so why not? you gotta treat yourself times. anyways, my weapon of choice? eminem's autobiography the way i am (pictured above). em has always been an elusive figure, in my thought. blowing up some years, disappearing for others. i have been engrossed in the book. life stories have always intrigued me... each person has different circumstances, different situations, different choices. em told his story through his music, from "cleanin' out my closet" to the "the way i am." however, it's something else to hear about his experiences with no beat, no melody, no bass. just the words. it truly seems like he is just talking and his personality shines through. his sarcasm is hilarious and enlightening as he recounts being under the limelight.

why am i a fan? good question. it's the lyrics. it's his ability to make miracles out of words. ok, that may be a slight hyperbole, but it's somewhat true. i have a penchant for all types of word play (i wrote a blog on parts of speech for crying out loud) so this includes rhymes as well. he recounts how a friend of his went crazy after he rhymed "birthday" with "first place." see, it's stuff like that. those two obviously do not rhyme... but, they sorta do. it's amazing.

i can't wait to finish the book. i honestly can't remember being so excited about reading, but i must say, this book has rekindled that old fire of mine. i flip pages at the rate super mario skips stages. ok, that took me about 10 minutes to come up with. clearly, i could not make it as a rapper, but em did.

thanks for reading.

-jdv

Will the real comedian please Stand-up?

in fear of plagiarism, i must note eminem for giving me the inspiration for my title.

i love to laugh, almost more than anything. comedy movies such as dumb and dumber and wedding crashers are some of my favorite movies. i can't help but watch an episode of either the office, family guy, or the simpsons each day. i even enjoy sketch comedy, from roundhouse (who remembers that?), in living color, all that, some stuff from madtv, and SNL. however, it seemed that my penchant for comedy was strictly either through the boob tube or youtube, for that matter. so, i figured i would go for the real thing. no sets, no laugh tracks. everything in person, in living color.

i must say, i was hesitant at the idea. i mean, could a professional comedian actually make me laugh? yeah, that sounds like a dumb question, but it went through my head. it's like i was about to watch my first episode of seinfeld... you hear so much about it, it's going to make you laugh, etc. etc. in saying this, however, i kept my expectations at a minimum. drinks arrived, food was served, and the lights came on.

i loved every minute of it. the main act, dan cummins, was phenomenal. a solid performance. i almost felt embarrassed at how much i was laughing, til i realized everyone else was laughing just as much as i was. the way he would just compound jokes... amazing. honestly, i thought i was a funny person, but after seeing the show, i pale in comparison. it's like the complete opposite of the david & goliath story. however, i think the most surprising part was that he was just hanging out after the show. he wasn't getting ready for the next show, but rather, selling t-shirts and talking to people. it was just great to see a person doing what they love doing and then connecting with the people afterwards.

anyways, i'll step down from my soapbox now. hey, it's thanksgiving! give thanks for the people around you and all that you have. if you're not busy shopping, go out to watch a movie, or if you're feeling sick, kick back, relax, and put on a funny movie. 

laughter is the best medicine.

take care and thanks for reading.

-jdv

Get your ears Lowered

i heard the expression of my title when i was very young. from whom? doug funnie of course. i was watching doug one day on nickelodeon when an episode came on about doug's wavy-shaped lines of hair and how he was terrified about getting a hair cut. geez, doug. how much more of a pansy could you be? while we're on that note, kudos on finally asking out patti mayonnaise. we all knew she liked you, you just had to be a man. quick side note: i believe chucky from rugrats was also afraid of getting his hair cut... eerie parallel there. anyways, i digress.

one of the most frustrating things to me is how perfect your hair is once you leave the salon/boutique/barbershop, whatever. it literally is perfect, and i mean that in the most non-narcissistic way possible. now, it's not frustating that it's perfect. it's frustrating that you can never ever recreate it again, no matter how hard you try. funny story: as a kid, i noticed this right away... the whole perfect hair out of the salon/not being able to recreate it thing. so, you know what i thought? i believed that it was either the shampoo or the water or whatever they used at the boutique that made it perfect. therefore, i wouldn't shampoo my hair for maybe a day or two to see if it would work. sadly, it did not. and my hair smelled funny. 

anyways, hope you enjoyed reading. take care.

-jdv

A numbers Game

i have never been a numerologist. sure, i have a favorite number (23) like regular people, but beyond being the number of my favorite basketball player (michael jordan, you may have heard of him... his claim to fame are those hanes commericals with charlie sheen. that's it. it's not like he was any good at basketball... oh, and space jam. can't forget that.) i don't associate 23 with much else. quick side note: the number 23 with jim carrey, awful movie. don't waste your time. on the other hand, se7en with brad pitt, amazing movie. one of my favorites.

it seems that recently the number "20" has been showing itself around here and there, and by that, i mean it's come out twice. (the reverse of 02 is 20??? see what i mean? ok, yeah, that's a stretch.) anyways, i got a 20 on the DAT which is the equivalent of the MCAT for future dentists. i improved from an 18 to a 20. (20-18=2... which reversed is 20?? ok, yeah, still a stretch.) and then, i went to bingo the other day and my winning number? you guessed it, 20. i was surprised i didn't yell "twenty," instead of bingo. people probably would've thought i was crazy. i would've thought them crazy for thinking i was crazy.

anyways, i've been super busy... what with work (i work once a week), and school (i'm a senior), and ummm, watching tv (i DVR two shows), i haven't been able to blog a lot. but don't think that i don't have ideas. future topics: haircuts, stand-up comedy, christmas of course, movies, and procrastination. until then, look out for significant numbers here and there. and if say five or six numbers call out to you, i highly suggest buying a lotto ticket. however, i get a cut of it. how much do i want? you already know. 20%.

thanks for reading!

-jdv

Virtual Insanity

so, i'm at work and casually surfing the net when i come across this article. take a quick look... it's a short read, i promise, and there's also a picture.

what is the world coming to? no, seriously. tell me. i'd really like to know. if you did not lol at all at any point during the reading of the article, then you really need to rethink your sense of humor. now, i'm not totally insensitive. i'm sure ms. taylor is very hurt and my heart goes out to her, but come on, lady. listen to yourself. "'it may have started online, but it existed entirely in the real world and it hurts just as much now it is over.'" one question: you do realize that second life is not the "real world," right? it's one thing to catch your spouse in bed with a real prostitute. it's another thing to catch them in bed with a virtual prostitute.

are we that detached from our lives nowadays that we have to create a "second life?" the story is kind of sad, the more i think about it. apparently, millions of people have a second life and their reasons probably vary. some may have it for leisure. some may have it for business. and in some cases such as this, some may have it as a gateway to an alternate reality, filled with farfetched, fairytale functions such as a wedding.

the guy's reasoning is priceless. "'we weren't even having cyber sex or anything like that, we were just chatting and hanging out together.'" riiiiight. be honest, buddy. first, you took her to the virtual cheesecake factory to have virtual cheesecake, then you took her to the virtual bar for virtual drinks after, and finally back to your virtual place to have virtual sex. i wonder what he said to his wife when he got "caught." maybe something like... "oh, come on sweetheart. it's not like i double-clicked her... it was just a single-click. JUST A SINGLE-CLICK!"

at least the story has a happy ending. the woman is now happily in a new relationship with a person she met via world of warcraft, another online activity. one would think that she would've learned from her first "relationship," but hey... who am i to judge? there's no first date like slaying monsters, earning experience points, and looting caves for gold. allow me to reiterate... there is no first date like slaying monsters, earning experience points, and looting caves for gold.

thanks for reading and talk to some people! strangers are friends you haven't met yet...unless they have a second life. then, you're virtually strangers.

-jdv

Theory of natural selection, Modified

why is it that whenever you're listening to music or watching tv and pick what you want to listen to or watch, it's just not the same as randomly hearing it on the radio or finding it while channel surfing?

this is a fundamental question of my theory of natural selection. what is the significant difference between naturally selecting and randomly finding? 

so there you are, relaxing, listening to music via iTunes, windows media player, winamp, youtube, iPod, iTouch, etc... and you keep clicking the skip button. and then, you find that one song that you're really into at the moment (say, m.i.a.'s "paper planes"), and you make it through that song, but as soon as the next song comes on, you skip along. why? 

quick change: so there you are, driving on the road, listening to the radio... commercial, commercial, static, BAM! no doubt's "don't speak" is in mid-chorus and you sing right along to the very end... in no other scenario would you do that, but when you're in the car, it happens. why?

change the scenario. so you are wanting to watch some tv, so you stick in a DVD from season two of the office or volume three of family guy and pick an episode. you get halfway through it and turn it off. however, when that same exact episode is on TBS, you watch the whole episode and laugh harder than you have before. make sense? didn't think so.

media players have evolved and some have acquired a characteristic known as "shuffle," and tv providers have provided a service known as "DVR" which allows one to record and fast forward through programs. these are admirable attempts at achieving an analogous ambience that randomly finding a song or program gives, but unfortunately, they do not succeed. there's nothing quite like the real thing.

take care and thanks for reading.

-jdv

p.s. - thanks to daylight savings, the saying "one hour's sleep before midnight is worth two in the morning," actually makes sense. set your clocks back!

She said What?

that's what she said.

i'm a big fan of nonsensical, random comments. throwing out idioms when they do apply, and even if they don't, is a habit of mine. sometimes they're funny, but most times, they're not. you win some, you lose some, right? you just gotta pick your battles.

however, there is one phrase that'll always garner either a laugh or weird looks. "that's what she said." if i had a dime for every time i've heard that phrase... scratch that. if i had a nickel for every time i've heard and used that phrase, i'd be quite wealthy. sometimes, the funny part is not the actual phrase itself, but rather the justification behind using the phrase. the explanations some people come up with are priceless.

"twss" could very well be the most versatile joke on earth. do you want some more? twss. it hurts a little bit, but it's not that bad. twss. how's the weather outside? twss. from "the office" to offices around the world, twss can be applied everywhere, even in the classroom. i got a kick out of this article and fail to see how it didn't win any awards for article of the year or anything of that nature. and finally, in our political realm, sarah palin has some thoughts. the sphere of influence is truly growing. twss.

my question is: what did she really say? and who is this mysterious "she" people are talking about? think about that long and hard.

that's what she said.

-jdv

Out with the old, in with the New

come walk with me for a moment.

i hate to do it, but i had to say good-bye to my trusty pair of shoes... shoes... shoes... omg shoes. i've had the same pair of gray nikes for a couple years now, and they've been nothing short of reliable. feet turn into yards, yards into miles... if my shoes could talk. 

as you can see, i didn't stray far from the design of my original shoe. i thought, well if it ain't broke, why fix it? it took me a while to find the right shoe for me, but i'm glad i took my time since it is a good fit. (pun intended)

this brings me to the topic on my mind: shopping. i absolutely loathe it. ok, those are strong words. i don't prefer it. i mean seriously, in the whole mall, there are probably three or four stores that i actually go to, and to make matters worse, they are as far away from each other as possible. and then once i get into the store, i feel like indiana jones trying to choose the holy grail. thankfully, with these shoes, i have chosen wisely. 

i definitely am not one to shop 'til i drop, but you may be. set up shop, close up shop, talk shop, or just plain shop, enjoy it. take care and thanks for reading.

-jdv

No time to Lose

so, i want to do a blog on procrastination... but i'll get to it later.

      -jdv

Video killed the radio Star

as i mentioned in an earlier post, i absolutely love the piano. be it the inner asian in me or whatever,  the instrument is amazing. i've been a few years retired but like stella, am trying to get my groove back. here is a short clip of me playing my favorite section i alluded to in my "play it again, sam" post. yes, i know this isn't the best audio and video quality (the piano hasn't been tuned in forever), but bear with me as this is my first video using a camera that's way too old. hopefully next time, i'll have practiced a lot more and have some better lighting.

hope you enjoy!

-jdv

Traffic-king

what's wrong with this picture? look closely... the speed limit is 65 mph and people are braking?!? how does that work? i'll tell you.

traffic. while houston is not the traffic king, it rounds out the top 5 in the nation. you sit there, inch up a few feet, and brake. lather, rinse, repeat.

has anyone else played that traffic game? you know, where you see how far you can go without braking. slyly, i let the car in front of me move up as far as possible while concurrently not letting the driver behind me get upset and begin to honk (if he/she does honk, then that automatically cancels out that round). allow me to define a "round." a round is the length of time between consecutive brakes. moving on, once you take your foot off the brake and move up, you see how long you can go before having to press the brake again. my personal best is 23 seconds. you should play sometime. don't knock it, 'til you try it.

traffic does have some upside. in addition to burning gas and wasting time, you get to catch up on your lyric knowledge. what better time to roll down the windows, pump up the volume, and blast some tunes... and people wonder how i know so many words to so many songs. i simply reply, i've been stuck in a lot of traffic... hours and hours of traffic. you may get weird looks from your traffic neighbors, but guess what, at least you're enjoying your traffic experience.

thanks for reading. take care and drive safe.

remember, click it or ticket (unless you live in new hampshire).

-jdv

So many blogs, so little Time

i haven't forgotten you, don't worry about it. unfortunately, i've been busy. i've got tons of blog ideas, i just don't have any time to write them in... but to give you a little preview: 10-course meal, poker, shopping, traffic, and "that's what she said." yeah, that last one seems kinda weird. i thought so myself, but hey, it should be fun.

signing off,

-jdv

A wolf in sheep's Clothing

move over, tina fey, there's a new kid in town. you may be wondering, wow, you got to meet the hockey mom, senator palin?!? and my answer would be no. no, dear friends, that is not the lipstick senator herself, although looks can be deceiving. the resemblance is striking, huh? i thought so myself. spot on.

the pic got me to thinking about dressing up. so, halloween is around the corner and that means costumes galore. unfortunately, i can't pull off the sarah palin look as well as my friend did, so i won't even go there. in fact, i'll probably just steer clear of the whole political theme. if i were going to dress up, i would want to do something original and outrageous... something like my title, a wolf in sheep's clothing. or maybe placing a dorito or lay's potato chip on my shoulder and walking around with a chip on my shoulder. or maybe carrying around a couple of toy horses and i'd be holding my horses. to go along with the animal theme, maybe carrying a toy bird and occasionally throwing it in the air and catching it, and i'd be flippin' the bird. good ideas? yeah, i know, super lame, and i think people could be offended by that last idea. 

anyways, keep churning costume ideas in that melting pot mind of yours. you still got a couple weeks. good luck!

-jdv

p.s. - shoutout to the kid.

Aller-geez

every year this happens. right at that transition from summer to fall and before winter, my allergies spring up on me. i can't walk outside for a minute without sneezing. i am sitting in the comfort of my room when a sneeze attack hits me and i'm left with watery eyes and a runny nose. and then i experience those half sneezes, ya know what i'm talkin' bout? where you feel like you're about to sneeze, and then somehow it goes away, but that sneeze is still lingering around. you inhale, ready to explode, but nothing happens. very, very frustrating.

oh, don't get me wrong. i love the weather change. i love the change in general. fall fashion, Red Apple sales, earlier sunsets, harvest themes, changes in leaf color, etc... but one thing i do not love is the proximity of pollen particles present. you're not welcome here, so make like a tree, and leave.

let me take the time to quickly thank the manufacturers and distributors of benadryl and claritin-D. without you, i wouldn't be able to sleep, so give yourselves a huge pat on the back. you deserve it.

if you don't have any allergies during this time of the year, then i envy you greatly. you're lucky. however, if you do want to experience what it's like for me, perhaps carry a tiny little pepper shaker and occasionally shake some around your nose. let me know how that goes? thanks.

remember ya'll, allergies are nothing to be sneezed at.

-jdv

Play it again, Sam

the piano. my home away from home. (ironically, this piano is in my home. ) growing up, i played the piano like a good little Asian boy from when i was four to eighteen. it was either the piano or violin, how stereotypical. countless hours were spent at the bench playing, replaying, and after replaying, more replaying.

the piano and i have had a love/hate relationship. it has brought me pleasure and pain, success and sorrow. i sacrificed many afternoons and evenings with friends for it. i remember the late nights and early mornings of practice, the lessons on the weekends, the competitions and recitals. tears of happiness and tears of heartache.

i become another person, so i've been told. when i sit down at that bench, close my eyes, and place my hands on the keys, a metamorphosis occurs. it's funny, i've always said that i can't hear myself when i play the piano. i don't hear the melodies, crescendos, descendos, etc. i just play, as if the piano is not an instrument, but rather an extension of my arms and fingers.

i miss it, i do. it's weird how things are sometimes (that's a generic sentence, if i ever heard one). i wanted to stop when i was young, and now i want it back. you always want what you can't have, right? well, that's what i think.

thanks for stopping by. this was one of my favorite pieces to play... the middle, slower part being my absolute favorite. enjoy!

like a good piano, stay tuned.

-jdv

Keeping the Faith

all sarcasm and witty remarks aside, i figured i would post a semi-serious blog (i say semi-serious because, hey, i just have to throw in a joke or two... that's how i roll). anyways, the topic on my mind is faith...

it had been maybe a year or two since i had attended a mass, and naturally, i was afraid of going. each week that passed made it that much harder to go back. my friend, laura, asked me if i wanted to go to the night mass and i was hesitant... would i remember what to do and what to say? was i ready?

i felt like i had found what i was looking for, maybe u2 can find it. i had been a person of strong faith until my college years where i struggled, and it felt good to come back. in a way, i was the lost sheep that had strayed from the flock, i was the seed that landed amongst the vines, i was the prodigal son.

not to sound weird, but i am sort of thankful i went through a spiritual drought. we get knocked down, but we get up again (thanks chumbawamba). the highs in life are made that much higher with the lows that come along with them. the sweet just ain't as sweet without the bitter, ya feel me?

i would like to regain that passion i once had for my faith, and i believe that i am on the road to it. just as i had said in an earlier blog... baby steps. take care and God bless.

-jdv

Go Figure

what do you see? because all i can see are the spectacular, sleek s's in the smooth scheme of iron wrought. if you hadn't noticed by now, i love figures of speech: alliteration, assonance, puns, idioms, etc. it's all good. allow me to tell you about my day.

so, my brother is very close to closing on his house. i went to go join him, along with my father, for the final walkthrough of his house to point out touch-ups here and there. when i got there, my brother had butterflies in his stomach. this house seems to be worth an arm and a leg and proves that rome was not built in one day. the vivid view from the balcony, the ample amount of backyard space, the intense incandescence in the living room. the builders definitely went the extra mile. after walking around for what felt like the time it takes for the cows to come home, i pulled a garfield and hit the hay under the sun's rays. after i cut enough logs and counted enough sheep, i woke up to realize that the inspection had been completed. my brother had a long laundry list of last-minute things to be done and after they are completed, he will close. figuratively, literally, physically, and clearly, a house divided against itself cannot stand.

the dog days of summer are over, and fall is here so it's time to turn over a new leaf. i hope this post wasn't mumbo jumbo to you. however, sometimes i also feel like it's all Greek to me. remember, this is all tongue and cheek.

-jdv

A mere twinkle in my father's Eye

a father, strong and silent. he does all of the behind-the-scenes work without recognition and always sacrifices for the family. little things... it's the little things.

my dad's birthday was just a few days ago and we celebrated as a family by going out to dinner to this restaurant, fogo de chao. their modus operandi is simple and genius: you sit down and immediately waiters walking around with skewers of all kinds of meat (braised beef, chicken, filet mignon, etc.) come and serve you. there is a circular cardboard cutout given to you that is red on one side and green on another to signal you don't want any more and you do want more, respectively. i could have all the meat i want (that's what she said). the one repercussion, however, is i have to be a vegetarian for a couple days post fogo de chao because, well, i'm sick of it after eating so much.

i must thank my father for, just being my father. he does the little things that go unnoticed and i am grateful. a man of few words, he is the cornerstone of the family. it was great to see him have his day and if you looked closely enough, there was a mere twinkle in his eye.

-jdv

oh, that's crème brûlée in the picture... absolutely delicious.

Sense and Sense-ability

it hit me like a ton of bricks. inspiration. my next topic is ready to go.

i was on my way to the restroom in the library today and once i entered, the room went dark. pitch black. i would not have been able to see my hand if i put it right in front of my face. i slightly bent my legs and outstretched my arms while my eyes adjusted to the dimness. slowly, i moved around the edge of the room just as a young child who cannot swim clings to the side of a pool. if i strayed just a little bit, i would have drowned in the darkness.

just how important are the senses? we rely on them to carry out simple tasks to the point of them being almost second nature to us. it got me to thinking, which sense could i live without? additionally, could i live without a sense and which one would i absolutely need? from my quick episode above, sight and touch are clearly the two most important senses. ruling out farfetched situations like, well if you didn't have taste and you ate poison, you would die so taste is the most important or if you couldn't smell and you inhaled poison, you would die so smell is the most important, sight and touch are needed to survive. what about music? could i really give that up? it's a scary thought, no doubt about it. however, i believe that touch is the most important sense. it allows us to continue on as human persons and without it, our race would come to an end.

do we realize how our senses can creep into our speech and play a role in our means of communication? do you see what i'm saying? ..... allow me to repeat, do you see what i'm saying? i hear you, loud and clear. something doesn't feel right. keep in touch. something smells fishy. victory is so close, i can taste it. really? you can taste victory? i bet it tastes good.

see ya later.

-jdv