You cannot put new wine in old Bottles

i thought that i would always be cool. always. but two recent events have definitely made me reconsider that notion.

event 1: i was casually channel surfing one morning and stumbled upon the KCA (kids' choice awards). the fact that i didn't know what "KCA" stood for was not a very good omen. i immediately remembered a time when i was younger and made SURE i did not miss this award show. now, i have to catch a rerun of it. oh, how the tides have turned. anyways, the show ran as i somewhat remembered it: wacky award presentations, slime, slime, and more slime, and musical guests.

moment of reflection: out of the winners, i knew about 5% of them. miranda cosgrove? selena gomez? cole sprouse? who?!? oh, and when miley cyrus beats out sandra bullock for best movie actress, only on the KCA. only.

onto the apex of the night (well, for me that is. i'm sure a billion little girls would agree that their highlight was the justin bieber [who?!?] performance). it was the performance by rihanna. everything was going good. she was workin' it out and doing her thang. she showed everyone how "hard" she was. then, she started performing a song i had never heard before titled "rude boy." here are a few lyrics if you haven't heard it:

come here rude boy, boy, can you get it up?/
come here rude boy, boy, is you big enough?/
take it, take it, baby, baby/
take it, take it, love me, love me

those lyrics are just the tip (pun intended). google the full song. she then finished up her set with "please don't stop the music." sorry rihanna, i wanted you to stop.

nothing says i'm hard like a camouflaged pink tank. salutes to you, rihanna.

even deeper moment of reflection: what happened to me? why am i thinking these things? am i, gasp, thinking about the children?!? shouldn't i just be enjoying the song and performance like any other kid? i repeat, what happened to me? not cool.

i thought about it more and tried to find a song from my yesteryear sort of like rihanna's "rude boy" and came across aaliyah's "rock the boat." almost the same, little less explicit. i then realized that i had no idea what the song was saying, but i just liked the beat. i guess it makes it not so bad, but still. it's the principle. i feel old.

event 2: shortly after the KCAs, a couple mornings later, i turned on the tv and a typical old people's show was on. the price is right. now, normally i automatically change the channel instantly. like a reflex. the same goes for channels like C-SPAN, QVC/HSN, and the channel guide channel. but what happened this particular morning? i kept it on. instead of hitting the channel button, i hit the volume button. what?!? honestly, if an 8 year old me was in the same room as the me now, the 8 year old would give me a look, leave, and go play mario party.

i watched it and dare i say, enjoyed it. surprisingly, there was no in between changing either. you know, where during the commercials, you look to change the channel for a quick filler in between the show's commercials and hope to change it back right when the show picks right back up. nope, watched it all. price is right, commercials and all. i found the contestants hilarious and outrageous. for example, when the middle-aged woman won a trip to japan, 3 motorcycles, and a treehouse (which obviously all go together somehow), she yelled, screamed, and then did a cartwheel. but it wasn't one of those high school cheerleading crisp cartwheels. it was an attempt at that. priceless. i call the 8 year old shadow of my former self and dare him not to laugh at this celebratory event. he stares at me with those beady little eyes, does not say a word, and then goes back to play his game. i feel old.

hope you enjoyed this blog. more to come.

thanks for reading.

-jdv

Lent me your Ears

so this whole lent thing has been slowly eating away at me. at least it's been eating. honestly, there's only so many filet-o-fish sandwiches a person can eat in a month span. i think my max is 4. right now, i'm at 12. don't bother giving me a fish nor teaching me how to fish. if i eat one more fish, i will have my own pair of gills and fins. that's how bad it has become.

i guess i'm sore because this lent season got off to a bad start when i went to subway on the first friday and got a five... five dollar... five dollar foot looooooong (any any any [hate this song. HATE it]). so, i got this tuna foot long and after finishing it, how shall i put this lightly, the tuna swam back upstream. food poisoning. so much for getting tuna foot longs at subway. therefore, i had to resort to filet-o-fish sandwiches.

the thing about the filet-o-fish and to some extent the big mac is this: the filet-o-fish is like a great song on the radio. it's awesome every once in a while, and when properly spaced, it can even get better with each follow-up encounter. but once it gets overdone, you will do anything to avoid it. hence, why i practically starved myself this past friday and waited til midnight to eat meat. pathetic? no. genius? yes.

finally, i gave up taco bell and everything associated with it for lent (the girls at work won't even allow me to use the hot sauce packets on my regular food). the battle has become an all out war and it's going to be a fight to the finish. taco bell is one of my worst vices. it is the ying to my yang, the peanut butter to my jelly, the rose to my jack. those perfectly crunchalicious shells that are heated to perfection, the warm beef set against the cold, crisp lettuce, the tiny shreds of cheese that are not too hard nor too soft, but just right every time. all these individual ingredients come together to make a symphony of taste that satiates the palate. it's been rough, but i've held strong. i'm on my reserve tank right now, almost running out of gas, but the finish line is within sight. must. be. strong. resist. delicious. tacos.

that's all for now. til next time, stay classy.

thanks for reading.

-jdv

Out of sight, out of Mind

my blogging hiatus is done and over with. the good news: i'm back! the bad news: i'm back!

i, quite literally, am out of sight. you could stand right in front of me and i would not know if you were a boy or girl. just a blob. no offense. without my glasses, i am as blind as a bat. i was that kid in class who, when the teacher called on them to read what was on the chalkboard, mumbled nonsensical mumbo jumbo.

"what's the preposition in the sentence, james?"
"umm, fjzckdw;?"

i'm pretty sure the hours upon hours of watching nickelodeon and nick at nite shows didn't help. i'm pretty sure the endless video game sessions didn't help either. i'm also pretty sure staring at the sun didn't help either. regardless, glasses are my permanent appendage.

until now.

i am looking into getting lasik eye surgery. am i out of my mind? does shining concentrated beams of light into my eyes sound like a good idea? isn't that what got me terrible vision in the first place? quite the ironical twist, don't you think? it would be like a dentist telling a kid with cavities to eat more candy to get rid of the cavities. it doesn't make sense! i know, i know, i'm overreacting. and i agree with you. i hear the procedure takes 15 mins tops. that's faster than waiting at the drive-thru at some fast food places. can you imagine that? ordering your food blindly and by the time you pull up to the window, you can see! it's a miracle!

seeing is believing, right? in that case, i believe nothing because i can see nothing. but i have my faith, which is all i need to see me through. that and a doctor who knows what the F he's doing.

thanks for reading and take care. ya'll come back na, ya hear?

-jdv