Will the real slim shady please stand Up?

so yesterday, i went to the bookstore (borders), and gave myself an early christmas present. i figured i'd been good, so why not? you gotta treat yourself times. anyways, my weapon of choice? eminem's autobiography the way i am (pictured above). em has always been an elusive figure, in my thought. blowing up some years, disappearing for others. i have been engrossed in the book. life stories have always intrigued me... each person has different circumstances, different situations, different choices. em told his story through his music, from "cleanin' out my closet" to the "the way i am." however, it's something else to hear about his experiences with no beat, no melody, no bass. just the words. it truly seems like he is just talking and his personality shines through. his sarcasm is hilarious and enlightening as he recounts being under the limelight.

why am i a fan? good question. it's the lyrics. it's his ability to make miracles out of words. ok, that may be a slight hyperbole, but it's somewhat true. i have a penchant for all types of word play (i wrote a blog on parts of speech for crying out loud) so this includes rhymes as well. he recounts how a friend of his went crazy after he rhymed "birthday" with "first place." see, it's stuff like that. those two obviously do not rhyme... but, they sorta do. it's amazing.

i can't wait to finish the book. i honestly can't remember being so excited about reading, but i must say, this book has rekindled that old fire of mine. i flip pages at the rate super mario skips stages. ok, that took me about 10 minutes to come up with. clearly, i could not make it as a rapper, but em did.

thanks for reading.

-jdv

Will the real comedian please Stand-up?

in fear of plagiarism, i must note eminem for giving me the inspiration for my title.

i love to laugh, almost more than anything. comedy movies such as dumb and dumber and wedding crashers are some of my favorite movies. i can't help but watch an episode of either the office, family guy, or the simpsons each day. i even enjoy sketch comedy, from roundhouse (who remembers that?), in living color, all that, some stuff from madtv, and SNL. however, it seemed that my penchant for comedy was strictly either through the boob tube or youtube, for that matter. so, i figured i would go for the real thing. no sets, no laugh tracks. everything in person, in living color.

i must say, i was hesitant at the idea. i mean, could a professional comedian actually make me laugh? yeah, that sounds like a dumb question, but it went through my head. it's like i was about to watch my first episode of seinfeld... you hear so much about it, it's going to make you laugh, etc. etc. in saying this, however, i kept my expectations at a minimum. drinks arrived, food was served, and the lights came on.

i loved every minute of it. the main act, dan cummins, was phenomenal. a solid performance. i almost felt embarrassed at how much i was laughing, til i realized everyone else was laughing just as much as i was. the way he would just compound jokes... amazing. honestly, i thought i was a funny person, but after seeing the show, i pale in comparison. it's like the complete opposite of the david & goliath story. however, i think the most surprising part was that he was just hanging out after the show. he wasn't getting ready for the next show, but rather, selling t-shirts and talking to people. it was just great to see a person doing what they love doing and then connecting with the people afterwards.

anyways, i'll step down from my soapbox now. hey, it's thanksgiving! give thanks for the people around you and all that you have. if you're not busy shopping, go out to watch a movie, or if you're feeling sick, kick back, relax, and put on a funny movie. 

laughter is the best medicine.

take care and thanks for reading.

-jdv

Get your ears Lowered

i heard the expression of my title when i was very young. from whom? doug funnie of course. i was watching doug one day on nickelodeon when an episode came on about doug's wavy-shaped lines of hair and how he was terrified about getting a hair cut. geez, doug. how much more of a pansy could you be? while we're on that note, kudos on finally asking out patti mayonnaise. we all knew she liked you, you just had to be a man. quick side note: i believe chucky from rugrats was also afraid of getting his hair cut... eerie parallel there. anyways, i digress.

one of the most frustrating things to me is how perfect your hair is once you leave the salon/boutique/barbershop, whatever. it literally is perfect, and i mean that in the most non-narcissistic way possible. now, it's not frustating that it's perfect. it's frustrating that you can never ever recreate it again, no matter how hard you try. funny story: as a kid, i noticed this right away... the whole perfect hair out of the salon/not being able to recreate it thing. so, you know what i thought? i believed that it was either the shampoo or the water or whatever they used at the boutique that made it perfect. therefore, i wouldn't shampoo my hair for maybe a day or two to see if it would work. sadly, it did not. and my hair smelled funny. 

anyways, hope you enjoyed reading. take care.

-jdv

A numbers Game

i have never been a numerologist. sure, i have a favorite number (23) like regular people, but beyond being the number of my favorite basketball player (michael jordan, you may have heard of him... his claim to fame are those hanes commericals with charlie sheen. that's it. it's not like he was any good at basketball... oh, and space jam. can't forget that.) i don't associate 23 with much else. quick side note: the number 23 with jim carrey, awful movie. don't waste your time. on the other hand, se7en with brad pitt, amazing movie. one of my favorites.

it seems that recently the number "20" has been showing itself around here and there, and by that, i mean it's come out twice. (the reverse of 02 is 20??? see what i mean? ok, yeah, that's a stretch.) anyways, i got a 20 on the DAT which is the equivalent of the MCAT for future dentists. i improved from an 18 to a 20. (20-18=2... which reversed is 20?? ok, yeah, still a stretch.) and then, i went to bingo the other day and my winning number? you guessed it, 20. i was surprised i didn't yell "twenty," instead of bingo. people probably would've thought i was crazy. i would've thought them crazy for thinking i was crazy.

anyways, i've been super busy... what with work (i work once a week), and school (i'm a senior), and ummm, watching tv (i DVR two shows), i haven't been able to blog a lot. but don't think that i don't have ideas. future topics: haircuts, stand-up comedy, christmas of course, movies, and procrastination. until then, look out for significant numbers here and there. and if say five or six numbers call out to you, i highly suggest buying a lotto ticket. however, i get a cut of it. how much do i want? you already know. 20%.

thanks for reading!

-jdv

Virtual Insanity

so, i'm at work and casually surfing the net when i come across this article. take a quick look... it's a short read, i promise, and there's also a picture.

what is the world coming to? no, seriously. tell me. i'd really like to know. if you did not lol at all at any point during the reading of the article, then you really need to rethink your sense of humor. now, i'm not totally insensitive. i'm sure ms. taylor is very hurt and my heart goes out to her, but come on, lady. listen to yourself. "'it may have started online, but it existed entirely in the real world and it hurts just as much now it is over.'" one question: you do realize that second life is not the "real world," right? it's one thing to catch your spouse in bed with a real prostitute. it's another thing to catch them in bed with a virtual prostitute.

are we that detached from our lives nowadays that we have to create a "second life?" the story is kind of sad, the more i think about it. apparently, millions of people have a second life and their reasons probably vary. some may have it for leisure. some may have it for business. and in some cases such as this, some may have it as a gateway to an alternate reality, filled with farfetched, fairytale functions such as a wedding.

the guy's reasoning is priceless. "'we weren't even having cyber sex or anything like that, we were just chatting and hanging out together.'" riiiiight. be honest, buddy. first, you took her to the virtual cheesecake factory to have virtual cheesecake, then you took her to the virtual bar for virtual drinks after, and finally back to your virtual place to have virtual sex. i wonder what he said to his wife when he got "caught." maybe something like... "oh, come on sweetheart. it's not like i double-clicked her... it was just a single-click. JUST A SINGLE-CLICK!"

at least the story has a happy ending. the woman is now happily in a new relationship with a person she met via world of warcraft, another online activity. one would think that she would've learned from her first "relationship," but hey... who am i to judge? there's no first date like slaying monsters, earning experience points, and looting caves for gold. allow me to reiterate... there is no first date like slaying monsters, earning experience points, and looting caves for gold.

thanks for reading and talk to some people! strangers are friends you haven't met yet...unless they have a second life. then, you're virtually strangers.

-jdv

Theory of natural selection, Modified

why is it that whenever you're listening to music or watching tv and pick what you want to listen to or watch, it's just not the same as randomly hearing it on the radio or finding it while channel surfing?

this is a fundamental question of my theory of natural selection. what is the significant difference between naturally selecting and randomly finding? 

so there you are, relaxing, listening to music via iTunes, windows media player, winamp, youtube, iPod, iTouch, etc... and you keep clicking the skip button. and then, you find that one song that you're really into at the moment (say, m.i.a.'s "paper planes"), and you make it through that song, but as soon as the next song comes on, you skip along. why? 

quick change: so there you are, driving on the road, listening to the radio... commercial, commercial, static, BAM! no doubt's "don't speak" is in mid-chorus and you sing right along to the very end... in no other scenario would you do that, but when you're in the car, it happens. why?

change the scenario. so you are wanting to watch some tv, so you stick in a DVD from season two of the office or volume three of family guy and pick an episode. you get halfway through it and turn it off. however, when that same exact episode is on TBS, you watch the whole episode and laugh harder than you have before. make sense? didn't think so.

media players have evolved and some have acquired a characteristic known as "shuffle," and tv providers have provided a service known as "DVR" which allows one to record and fast forward through programs. these are admirable attempts at achieving an analogous ambience that randomly finding a song or program gives, but unfortunately, they do not succeed. there's nothing quite like the real thing.

take care and thanks for reading.

-jdv

p.s. - thanks to daylight savings, the saying "one hour's sleep before midnight is worth two in the morning," actually makes sense. set your clocks back!